Friday, May 22, 2009

Do I ground you and take away your phone or put you in time-out and take away your cookies?

So I posted some pictures of the children I call The Babies. I call them this because I had a major brain infarction when my 3rd son started kindergarten and I felt that I had been put out of a job. So I had another, and then the girl squeaked through just as I was about to close up shop. I do not regret this decision, as they are very cute. But I must say, I would not recommend this, for the following reasons.

I now do not know what the hell I am doing. Had I known that a harmless 11 year old would soon turn into a boy with PMS, pre-man syndrome, I do not think these people would exist. My oldest was children were 11, 9, and 7 when my last child was born. I had no idea what was to come. The age between 7-11 are relatively harmless. When they hit 13, you are now the enemy.

I have to shift gears so fast, I make no sense. When 3 o'clock rolls around, and the elders get home from school, and you do have to make sure they have been to school, suddenly you are to switch between one child nagging to go to the mall before homework, and another wanting to run around with no pants on. I have often found myself telling DJ, my 16 year old, to go sit in the naughty chair until he can change his attitude, and asking a 5 yr old if her report on Robert E. Lee is done yet. I think they like this state of confusion, and do all they can to see that I remain this way.

Recently, Jordy man went on a tirade which even impressed me. Shortly after one of the elders had given an oratory about what I NEVER let him do, what EVERYONE else is allowed to do, and I don't let him have a life, blah, blah, blah...translation? My homework isn't done, and I don't want to do it, and please don't check powerschool (I LOVE THE INTERNET!!!). So Jordy stormed in and informed me that he has no "FREAKIN" life and I never let him do anything. It was at that point I realized that I had entered a new and horrid realm of parenting.

With the first 3, the only influence that had any bearing on their behavior came from me, their dad, and Barney. These children are being exposed to Teen Brain daily. I believe I have said that the teen brain IS a drug. So I have 2 crack babies, and I didn't even get to do the drugs.

Oddly enough, I have found some similarities. The 16 yr old and the 5 yr old both pout ALOT. One because his texting is turned off, and one because the TV is turned off. The 12 yr old complains when I make him change his favorite pants, and the 6 yr old complains if his favorite bowl is in the dishwasher, and I gave him a spoon with flowers on it. Both of them are a bit OCD. And that leaves the 14 yr old, and he has ADHD so he is chemically programmed to drive everyone insane.

The 12 yr old, Kolton, is still relatively harmless, though he has recently began lobbying for a cell phone. I do believe I should hold stock in Verizon, as eventually I am going to pay them more per month than I do for our house. Speaking of which, I also believe that Wachovia Mortgage only hires people with organic brain disease, as none of their employees can read or write. What is the point of a Pick A Payment loan anyway? Who, if given a choice is going to choose a higher payment? Another similarity, like talking a child into the virtues of extra credit. It won't work.

Take my advice, and take advantage of the 7-11. Its all downhill and round the bend after that.

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